Hi y'all, wow there's some new stuff AND some recycled old stuff. Glad to see everyone's still alive.I know I usually send stuff via the back door but Christmas/ the New Year is different aint it.Let this be the first post of 2005 (so early it was sent back in bad old 2004) and it's message is/was Happy Christmas (Joyeux Noel Webby) and I hope that like me you wake up to Kate Beckinsale naked on a giant bottle of Chateau Lafitte upon Christmas morn (this goes for the girlies too, expand your horizons for 2005 ! ) Quick wintry joke for the season told to me by an authentic six year old. Ahem...
Q) What did the first snowman say to the second one?
A) Can you smell carrotts !
Cheers everyone,lots of love for the New Year -
Little Malcy xx

Oh, MALCY!
Now. For those of you who STILL don't know who Malcy is...neither do I, really. Suffice to say that he is KIU's most long-standing and (I dare say) biggest fan, and the guy who always gives me a very pleasurable kick-up-the-arse whenever I let the site fall below standard. Without Malcy, there wouldn't even be a KIU any more, for it was when I was toying with the idea of giving it up (I was only TOYING with the idea, mind - I'd never REALLY let it go) that I received (in a hotel room in Milan) a missive from Malcy that can only be described as 'fiesty'. Basically, he told me to get off my bum and get cracking on the site again. His enthusiasm made me do just that...and I'm ever so glad that I did.
Being a jet-setting fashionista is all good and well, but what would I be without Kittens in Underpants?
And what would Kittens in Underpants be without Malcy?!
With all that in mind, I want all our 90,000 montly visitors (yes!) to join with me and Webby in wishing Malcy a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS (with Kate Beckinsale) and a WONDERFUL 2005!
Amanda and The Webmaster xxxxxxxxxx

hi there amanda,
i would just like to say how much i really enjoyed your tribute to the late carol white. what a wonderfull piece, im an actor myself and i like actors that dont quite make it i allways favour the underdog i think underated actors are intresting it seems to make them special would`nt you agree.
david

Hi ("Diddley Dee") David -
So glad you enjoyed our tribute to Carol Whit, and good luck with the acting career: we'll be watching our screens and our stages on the look out for you!
With all my best wishes,
Amanda x

Hi Amanda,
I just came across an article about 'Cadbury's Old Jamaica' wot you wrote and I just wanted to tell you how I enjoyed the article and that you may not know it (most people don't) but the original recipe for milk chocolate came from Jamaica in the 17th Century. At the time chocolate was a disgusting drink prescribed as an aphrodisiac and a cure-all. In continental europe it was used as a disguise for poison. After a visit to Jamaica an english physician pirated the recipe and sold it under licence in London until the Cadbury brothers figured out the ingredients and the rest is history.
Just thought you might like to know. I live in Jamaica so I enjoy the real thing in the real setting and as I can tell you appreciate such things so I thought I would enlighten you.
Regards and keep up the good work.

Well hi there!
Thank you for your tasty and informative missive. As both a well-known chocoholic, a big fan of Jamaica, and - above all - a history buff, you can imagine how much I enjoyed your email!
Thanks for writing, and have a great Christmas on your beautiful island!
Kisses,
Amanda x

Re: Greatest Boy bands page.
"Okay, okay, this band has received much slack over the years, but in my opinion ‘Mmm-Bop’ is a pretty gosh-darn catchy tune!"
What does this mean in American please? In English 'Slack' means to be given the benefit of the doubt, to be given some lee-way, the exact opposite of what Hanson received. Or should this read 'flack' or perhaps 'hasn't received much'? Perhaps you should have an editor to read these things over and make sure they make sense, or to translate them in to proper English!?

Actually, the article was written by an American, and indeed, 'slack' in American English has the same meaning as 'flack' in British English. But whilst I've got your attention....I had no idea that Hanson had so many hardcore and serious fans. You are to Hanson what John Hinckley Jr was to Jodie Foster. I shall warn all Heads of State.
(Avoid firearms)
Amanda

MISS AMANDA !!!
I TURN MY BACK FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS AND WHAT DO I FIND? THAT YOU'VE MURDERED CAITLYN !!! (OR ARE YOU JUST KEEPING HER LOCKED BOX AND USING HER AS A SEX SLAVE FOR YOU AND THE WEBMASTER ???). AND WHO THE HELL ARE BEN MORTON AND ALEX BRAGUINE ??? AND HAVE THEY MURDERED YOU ??? (OR ARE THEY JUST KEEPING YOU IN A LOCKED BOX AND USING YOU AS A SEX SLAVE ??? OR IS THAT JUST MY OWN REOCCURRING TWISTED FANTASTY ABOUT YOU ????). ANY OLD WAY, I THINK YOU OWE A LONG STANDING KITTENS FAN LIKE MYSLELF AN EXPLANATION, YOUNG LADY. AND GIVE MY BEST TO THE WEBMASTER !!!!!!
LOVE, JON
PS: AND WHO THE HELL IS PAUL ????

Hi, Jon -
Yes. You are indeed one of KIU's longest standing fans, but perhaps not the most regular visitor! Had you been, you'd have known that the pressing commitments of her new, Liverpool life as a high powered music entrepreneur have kept Caitlyn too busy to keep up with KIU (and furthermore, she now refuses even get INTO the box, let alone to be our sex slave.) And no, Ben Morton and Alex Braguine have not murdered me (although I think Ben would sometimes LIKE to) and to learn more about these literary marvels (inc. Paul) check out the Staff and Guest Biography section.
Where have you BEEN, Jon?! I think as KIU's longest standing fan, YOU have some explaining to do! (And take your keyboard of CAPS LOCK, for God's Sake!)
Amanda xxx

Dear Amanda,
I like the way you look so beautiful and so sad in your photos.
M xxx

Thank you.

cunt
atkins316@hotmail.com

Nobody could accuse atkins316@hotmail.com of being verbose.

WE GO TO LINCOLN PARK PRIMARY AND BEN MORLON IS SEX !!!!

A couple of things, girls:
1) He's called Ben MORTON, not Ben 'MORLON'.
2) What do you mean, Ben Morlon 'is' sex? Clearly, Lincoln Park Primary is remiss in its Sex Ed and/or biology classes. 'Sex' is an act undertaken by two consenting adults (please note key word: ADULTS) and therefore a person (be he called Morton, Morlon, or - indeed - Moron) cannot 'be' sex.
3) If you meant to write that Ben Morlon is 'sexY', then you show a sagesse beyond your years, for many ladies (GROWN UP ladies) concur with these sentiments.
and finally,
4) Considering you are primary school pupils, I strongly feel that you should be spending less time perusing the internet and more time pursuing slightly more age-appropriate hobbies (ie: playing hopscotch, buying Black Jacks, etc.)
Think on!
(And remember to ALWAYS take care on the Internet: not everyone is as KINDLY and MOTHERLY as I am. There are scary people out there, so....ya know....watch it.)
Amanda xxx

Doctor bob,
I know Rolings Stone is fighting for peace. the Oil Industry is very powerful and there a lots of hiden technologies that are hiden because of them.
I have contacts to some scientists that work on a technology they call Free Energy. It is polution free and they use magnets to drive the generator. The machine is woking and it is difficult to get the word out. I hope he can help on that part. It will change the world if it came out.
Bjarke.

Bjarke,
Wot you be smokin', mon?!
Doctor bob.

Amanda,
What do you think of Elaine Paige?
Patti.

Dear Patti,
What a totally left-field and obscure question! I don't think the name 'Elaine Paige' is mentioned ANYWHERE on this website, is it? But in answer to your question: I've got nothing against Elaine Paige. She gets the job done, and she seems like a very nice lady. In saying that, I HATE her singing voice: too nasal and too tight in the throat. Hope this answers your question!
Love,
Amanda
PS: You aren't Patti LUPONE are you????

I found Kittens in Underpants by chance and even though most of it is pretty appalling, there's something about YOU that I find quite intriquing.
Surely you can't be the sluttish imbecile you pretend to be?

Don't be so sure

Hi
Just read your article on Britain V France & loved every word of it.
Axel.

G'Day, Axel -
So far, you are the only person with sufficient intelligence, sophistication, urbanity and good sense to have actually enjoyed that article. I applaud you. (Actually, I MORE than applaud you: I think I might actually LOVE you. Pity you live in Canberra. Whilst I am famous for travelling great distances in search of a date....even I have my limits.
With kisses,
Amanda x