There’s a lot of talk these days about genetic cloning and the dangers of living in a world where human beings can be genetically duplicated.

We at KIU are ALL FOR the cloning of humans.

This is why:

Clones - by their very nature  - are not actually people.  They’re just genetically engineered to look and act like people.  With that in mind, human clones could come in very useful for the following things:

Many parishes in the Church of England are currently concerned with the shortage of organ players, Sunday services relying on pre-recorded music played on a ghetto blaster.  Young musicians just aren’t interested, preferring to use their talent on more worldly pursuits (starting bands, appearing on Fame Academy, etc).   If we were to clone humans, we could train some of them to be church organists, thus alleviating the current crisis. (And if they refused, we could kill them.  After all, they’re only  Clones (not real humans) and so it wouldn’t count as murder).

If a couple can’t have a baby of their own, they could get one cloned. And then, when it’s older - if they decide they don’t like it - they can have it killed (cuz it’s not a real human or anything and so it wouldn’t count as murder.)

The problem with modern warfare is that soldiers don’t get much practical experience before going into the field.  Human cloning could solve all that.   Soldiers could practise on The Clones (who would run around in a field whilst the soldiers shot at them.)  After all, Clones aren’t humans, so it doesn’t count as murder - and when the military run out of Clones for target practise, they can simply make some more.

Okay, old fashioned slavery (with humans) was wrong - but with Clones…..Think about it.  Wouldn’t we love to have a work-force we didn’t have to pay?  Wouldn’t you like to have a fleet of servants attending to your every need and/or whim?  Clones could offer you all this and more (and if they didn’t want to work for nothing, we could simply kill them.  They’re NOT real humans,  and so it wouldn’t count as murder.)

With human cloning, even deeply unattractive people could have sex.  You know those fat birds who never have a boyfriend, or those nerdy losers who can’t find a chick (not even a fat one)?  Cloning could find ‘all the lonely people’ getting more sex than they know what to do with.  We could make Clones just for them!

What are human’s made of? MEAT!  What do developing countries lack? MEAT!  Clones contain all the vital proteins and nutrients needed to sustain a human body, are easy to transport (they can walk) and could put an end to world hunger forever! (And they’re NOT real humans, they’re Clones, and so it doesn’t count as cannibalism.)

There’s only one Antonio Banderas (the human one), and  - although I’ve never met him - I doubt he’d be interested.  If he was willing to have himself cloned, we could ALL have an Antonio Banderas! (And when we got fed up with him, we could just have him killed.)

As you can see, there are many, many ‘pros’ (and no cons whatsoever) to human cloning, and we’re all for it.  If, however, you feel differently, feel free to email us with your thoughts.

(But if we don’t like them - we’ll kill you.)