Another egg-nog?

ed up with your turkey and figgy pudding? Have you already stuffed more mince pies down your gob than you’d care to remember? Do you feel bloated, yet still hungry? Do you sit despairingly in front of your Playstation, wondering what Christmas is all about? Do you thirst for those childhood days when you felt you were part of the natural world around you? Are you a disconnected post-Pagan?

Well, reconnect here! Follow my Pagan Christmas Recipe and in no time you will feel the wind of change against your cheeks.

This festive season, I will be leaving the Christian-infested valleys of Somerset, and making my way home to the pagan stronghold of the Dublin hills. Dublin: the age-old city of Vikings, Joyce, the odd priest, and Celtic druids.

Some former Dublin residents

Christmas for me will be a time to recharge the batteries, spend time with the loved ones, and, most importantly, to run naked around hilltops in celebration of Nature.

The Winter solstice, the 21^st December, is the most important feast day of the year. It is the day when the sun reaches its nadir, then turns back towards us in the chilly Northern Hemisphere (I know it is the Earth that moves around the sun, but just go with it, I’m being poetical). This physical renewal has been celebrated since man has followed the seasons in a religious festival which, like Christmas, marks the birth of the Sun/Son God. It is a time represented by the evergreen tree and the candle flame- the light of a new eternal life. The difference is, Pagans are able to celebrate re-birth of the planet without chopping down a few million Sitka spruce. Christmas marks the end of the nine-day festival centred on the Solstice. If I were an Irish political lap-dog or the wife of a billionaire Dublin sewage plant owner I would be spending dawn on the Solstice at the VIP ceremony in the Megalithic burial tomb of Newgrange, just north of Dublin city. This impressive structure, built before the great Pyramids, is the mythical home of the Irish Jesus figure, Aengus Og, the god of Youth and Love, the Son of the main God, called Dagda Mor. The dignitaries will witness the first dawn of the New Year as it creeps into the heart of the burial chamber, 40 feet from its carved entrance stone, a magical event that has been witnessed in the Boyne Valley for many thousands of years.

Check out: http://www.knowth.com/newgrange.htm

But you don’t need to live beside Newgrange or Stonehenge; you don’t have to have a magic wand to celebrate life at this magical time of year.

Gather your ingredients

You will need a good compass. If you were a girl guide, or have read a lot of Thomas Hardy’s novels, you may well be able to figure out your cardinal directions from the stars, but you won’t look so clever if it is raining and the North star turns out to be a streetlight.

A suitable location is vital. A place with religious power is preferable.  A ley-line map is a useful way of finding a remote spot with magical associations- try for one at your local post-office, or failing that, the nearby witch network. What you need is a pleasant natural environment, with few bystanders or poisonous animals.  Remember, even a cat can be your accidental foe when you are not wearing any clothes.

Sharp claws

 Next, check with the authorities that Witchcraft is no longer a burning offence in your locality- you might be surprised. Some places aren’t so fond of folks going ‘sky-clad’ either- and it’s no fun being naked when you don’t have your coin-purse to call a lawyer. Your final ingredients will be a gift for each of the four elemental spirits- this is crucial for the success of your ceremony. As a little extra, I always wear a talisman for protection. Things can get ugly if you meet a Sylph in a bad mood. My talisman is a string of Grandad’s natural teeth. He had them all removed in 1956 for sexual reasons, and for the rest of his life wore them around his neck. He left them to me in his will.

You don’t have to be naked for a ritual, but it assists the real purpose of the exercise, which is to reconnect with the Earth. Do try to avoid places with sharp stones and prickly bushes. If you are after an ecstasy-through-mild-physical-pain experience, I would recommend a different type of website. This recipe is for those looking for a pure spiritual experience only. I mostly venerate on a solo basis on the mountain-top: at the very least it looks less suspicious than being in a big naked group. Choose an area for yourself- this is usually a circle. The most important opening act, and a motto that I have carried over into my personal life is “Always cleanse your area”. A simple cleansing involves marking out a sacred circle with stones, walking (or skipping) three times around the circle clockwise sprinkling blessed water, and casting out any demons you happen to encounter as you do it. It helps to have a little verse to sing- I tend to rely on the work of The Incredible String band. I would avoid anything by Elton John- he tends to encourage malevolent presences. A cleansing can be performed in a matter of seconds if the weather is very cold, but on a mild night why not extend it if you are having fun? It’s not often you get to sing and dance naked in the open air.

Be sure to cleanse your area

Once inside your circle it is time to invoke the Elementals, to power up your site. There are four elemental spirits which each correspond to a particular direction and colour:

The general principle is that, facing its direction, you invite each Elemental in the order shown above to join in and attend your magical working. As you ask them (in the name of Peace and Love), you place before them a symbolic gift. Being a student now, I use inexpensive food items as gifts. No matter how hungry you get, you shouldn’t eat the gift. Leave it for the local animals to eat when the elementals are done with it. This process is all about attuning yourself to your location, by becoming aware of all its constituent elements. It’s not about feeding your face. The invocation needs to be different for each direction. The Gnomes are truculent and need plenty of coaxing. The Salamanders are lovely but don’t get too familiar- they burn. As for the Ondines, their mood changes day by day. They are primarily emotional beings. You will have most fun, and most difficulty in your dealings with the Sylphs. There is no point in striking a pose for them, they will see right through you. The only technique you can apply is to be entirely honest, and trust in your luck. People normally don’t get hurt in this part of the procedure, but as I said earlier, it’s no harm to have a talisman.

The real fun can begin when the Spirits are in place and you are ready to invoke the God with whom you wish to communicate. The purpose of the ritual can be anything from a simple butt-clenching ‘Hallelujah!’ to a full-on votive offering of thanks or supplication to a favourite deity.

 Will I pass my exams? Please make the feeling come back in my toes! Do you like my string of teeth?

 Many chose to invoke Diana/Dana, the Goddess of the moon. For the Solstice, I find it is most effective to summon up the God Aengus Og himself. Politeness is the key to success. It is best to start off with a few words of general praise and goodwill (‘it’s a lovely evening for it, your Youthfulness’) before doing a quick run-down of why you think he is the God for you. I like to follow up by explaining why I am worthy of his help before letting him know what divine gifts I want in the coming year. He tends to be a very reasonable God, particularly on the Eve of the Solstice, and I generally don’t need to bribe him much with food or drink if I turn up after midnight on the 20^th.

When the deed is done, many novices simply walk out of their circle.  The air may be chilly, there may be a bottle of brandy calling them or even another sky-clad pagan to tempt them, perhaps the police have arrived on the scene. It is crucial that your ritual is properly brought to a close. Firstly, the glorious God/ Goddess needs to be thanked, and then dismissed in Peace and Love and told to return back from whence he came. The Elementals similarly are thanked and dismissed in the reverse order by which they were initially invoked. Leave your gifts in place, then break your circle by stepping out of it. Put your clothes back on.

So go on, have a go: free the little pagan heart that’s beating inside you- Christmas will never feel the same again!

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'Want to time-travel forward to the next phase of Mankind's holiday season? Click here to see Amanda's Medieval Christmas!