"Oh dear," Queen Elizabeth II said to her husband.

    "Sticky wicket." Pensively, Prince Phillip rubbed his chin.

    "Imagine, that horrible little man, in our house. He can't even speak English."

    "We'll send Charles to the airport. At least you won't be seen in public with him.

    "But he wants to have pictures taken while staying here."

    "He'll create more problems for the insufferable Tony."

    "You must limit your optimism, dear."

    Prince Phillip paced the room. "We need to call the Space Hamzters."

#

    Wearing rented chamberlain regalia, the Space Hamzters rode in a motorcade from Heathrow airport. Along Cromwell Road, cheering crowds, waved Viva Hamzters, and Hamzters save the Queen signs.

#

    A great ovation was heard all the way to Fleet Street when the Hamzters got out of the Rolls Royces and trooped into Buck House.

    Before entering the palace, Protocol Hamzter asked, "No one forgot to brush their teeth?"

    The Hamzters grinned, displaying clean buck teeth.

    The Royal Chamberlain greeted the Hamzters and led the way to the royal rooms. "You're just in time for tea."

    After greeting the Queen and making small talk, the Hamzters settled on a thick Persian rug. Chief Hamzter made himself comfortable using one of the Queen's gorgies as a pillow.

    "This is such an ordeal," the Queen said.

    "Not to worry ma'am. You are very good at the regal art of the subtle put down."

    Queen Elizabeth sighed. "Will it work with such an oaf?"

    "Not likely, but your subjects will get it."

    Fashionable Hamzter said, "Ma'am just before the master of the poodle's arrival, brace yourself with a small glass of absinthe. And to meet him, you must wear a special hat, something ludicrous that will clearly symbolize the contempt your subjects feel for the man."

    "What a splendid idea, Hamzter."

    "There you go Ma'am," Chief Hamzter said, "Your problems are solved."

    The Queen sighed. "Not quite. There's this problem of timing."

    "Oh?"

    "His visit is for three and half days. Everyone knows that, like fish, houseguests begin to smell after three days."

    Chief Hamzter bowed. "Some people don't understand the rules of decency."

    Practical Hamzter said, "You could give him some bread crumbs and send him off to Trafalgar square. Then inform the Lord Mayor who would be happy to arrest him for feeding the pigeons."