O Joyous Day! It’s the VMAs!
by Caitlyn Hallman
Warning: DO NOT read this article if you are not interested in Britney Spears.
The 2002 MTV Video Music Awards were handed out on August 29th at Radio City Music Hall in an event that will be remembered, if remembered at all, as the night the music industry cried out in desperate need of rejuvenation. The ceremony kicked off with a performance by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. Back together again after nearly twenty, all the band members gave off the appearance of having been cryogenically frozen around the same time they broke up. They wore the same clothes, played similar sounding music, and showed no apparent signs of aging. It seems no bothered to inform Bruce and the gang that it was no longer 1985.
However, Springstein seemed completely current compared to the delusional daze Michael Jackson was in. It just so happened that it was MJ’s 44th birthday, and always willing to please the ‘King of Pop,’ MTV threw a surprise mini-birthday party. Britney Spears looking as if she mugged a Village Person on the way in sauntered out to do the introduction. Her little speech was quite touching, elaborating on Jackson’s influence on her and the current music scene. She finished by saying: ‘He is my artist of the millennium.’ Michael didn’t hear the ‘my’ part, grabbing a G-clef statuette off of his birthday cake; he proceeded to accept the award for The Artist of the Millennium. He even pulled out a rather large sheet of paper and began to read off thank you’s. Britney and the show’s producers were in such shock no one bothered to usher Jackson off the stage, and he was left to stand there clutching his ‘Artist of the Millennium’ award as the rest of the show continued on around him. Host Jimmy Fallon, who gave only a middling performance on the whole, did have one inspired moment when he walked out a few minutes later with a G-clef statuette similar to Jackson’s and announced: ‘Hey, look at my Artist of the Millennium Award. They’re giving them away backstage.’
Eminem proved for once and for all that he does need anger management classes. In his acceptance speech for one of his four awards of the night, Eminem began to throw insults at friendly techno artist Moby, calling Moby a girl and saying that he was ‘not above hitting a man with glasses.’ The attack seemed completely unprompted by Moby who is always slightly reminiscent of a cuddly woodland creature, and who spent the entire evening snapping pictures on his digital camera. Still, Eminem was annoyed when the audience began to boo his uncalled for behavior. It was a lot like hitting a Muppet. Sure, you could do that, but why would you want to?
Most of the live performances for the evening were over-blown and disappointing. P. Diddy shared the stage with Usher and a dance troop of at least a thousand. Most the dancers were dangling from the ceiling for some undisclosed reason. Justin Timberlake gave his first performance without the rest of N’SYNC. It was entirely unremarkable except for the fact that he was standing on giant boom box. Sheryl Crow provided a tribute to September 11th, but the shining stars of the evening were newcomers The Hives and The Vines. Placed in a head to head ‘battle of the bands’ the Swedish and Australian rockers gave a high octane show with refreshingly stripped down garage rock. The biggest disappointment of the evening was the grand finale, special performance by Guns&Roses. Actually, it’s an exaggeration to say it was by Guns&Roses. It was really Axel Rose with an effigy of Slash and a bunch of others who were not original band members. Axel was nearly unrecognizable in braids and extra weight. His vocals were nearly unrecognizable as well. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m not even sure if it was Axel Rose after all.
Frankly, I don’t remember who one most of the awards. I do recall that the White Stripes won for Best Break-throw Performance with ‘Fell in Love with a Girl.’ (This pleased me. I like the White Stripes.) And some band called Dashboard Confessions one the MTV2 Award. (This displeased me. I thought The Strokes deserved to win.) Oh and if you are wondering what MTV2 means, it’s a separate station owned by MTV that actually (shock and wonder) plays music videos. MTV needs to keep its programming schedule clear to run ‘Real World’ marathons.
As usual with rock stars, the fashion statements were horrendous. Someone forgot to inform Christina Aguillera that clothing was not optional, as she arrived only wearing what appeared to be a handkerchief. A clearly intoxicated Pink showed up sporting tattoos all down the length of her left arm and leg. Providing the number one reason for breast-feeding your child was Brandy. Wearing a dress with a plunging neckline, the new mother displayed such an impressive amount of cleavage that Pamela Anderson would be envious. Kirsten Dunst proved that she is indeed too skinny in a pair of low-rider pants, which accentuated her painfully prominent hipbones. P. Diddy wore a huge diamond on his pinkie. Justin Timberlake looked just plain silly in a felt hat, and Enrique Iglesias kept a knit cap low over his eyes. The one bright spot was Kylie Minogue who looked classy and confident in a flowing, white ‘goddess’ dress.
So, what, if anything, is to be learned from this evening? The entirely refreshing nature of The Hives’ and The Vines’ performances combined with the madness of Michael Jackson’s appearance and Bruce Springsteen’s dated showing provides the most clear argument yet that the old guys must abdicate their thrones to the young bloods if the music industry is going to continue. We all must admit that the music scene has become a bloated and delusional old bastard that is completely out of touch with the public’s wants and needs. Nearly everyone is copy cat (Sure one boy band is fun but do we need twenty?) too insane to make good music anymore (Jackson calls his new born son Blanket) or have been doing the same show for twenty years. I just hope it’s not too late for the revolution to come.
That and MTV needs to start playing music again.
