[Jan 03]
(Albums I am Embarrassed to Admit that I Once Owned and Cherished)
By Lisa Lunt
- CAPTAIN AND TENNILE,”LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER”. Just saying these two names together is bad enough (and holds the same comic value if I were to have said “Lavern & Shirley” instead). This collector’s item was given to me by “Santa”. Not many people remember—or want to acknowledge--that there was a television show to accompany this musical tragedy. I adored Tennile (rock goddess) and thought the Captain looked SO cool in his boating hats (different colors, ALWAYS the same style). BEST TRACK: “Love will Keep us Together”.
- DONNY AND MARIE. I can’t be bothered to recall the title and couldn’t find it on the Internet, so just use your imagination. This album was PURE GOLD in my 1st grade mind. I spent many an after-school evening singing into my hairbrush (in the mirror) to this immortal classic. The cover of this gem featured a still from the D&M variety show (1970’s) with Donny and Marie rockin’ out in full glitter and glam on ICE SKATES! (The picture didn’t actually show the ice skates on their feet, but I KNEW they were there because I recognized the episode!) I’m not kidding, they REALLY started EVERY show (for the first three seasons) on ice. How rock-hard is that? Marie was my first crush. BEST TRACK: “I’m a Little bit County/I’m a Little bit Rock & Roll” duet.
- HELEN REDDY’S GREATEST HITS. I only wish I could say that Santa bought this one. I purchased it myself and I was WAY past elementary school. I am waiting for Marilyn Manson to re-do “Angie Baby” so I’ll have an excuse to sing it and not be ashamed. BEST TRACK: “Angie Baby”.
- THE BEST OF CONNIE FRANCIS. There must be something inherently bad in those “Best of” records as they do seem to populate this list. I really was into this stuff. Rock on, Connie. BEST TRACK: “Lipstick on Your Collar”.
- GLEN CAMPBELL,“SOUTHERN NIGHTS”. Okay, okay. So I watched a little “Hee-Haw” and went through a VERY BRIEF country phase. We all did, didn’t we? Right? Ah, go to hell. BEST TRACK: Not applicable.
- GREASE SOUNDTRACK. I remember nearly wetting myself with glee when my mother bought this record for me. I had just seen the movie, twice, at the drive-in theater, no less. Marie Osmond was a flash-in-the-pan compared to Olivia Newton John (though I did cheat on Olivia with bad girl Stockard Channing). Let me just say, that this double album (gatefold sleeve) was my most prized possession for YEARS. I would dare to say that, should this particular item be given to me as a gift, I would not exchange it. BEST TRACK: “Summer Nights”.
- XANADU SOUNDTRACK. I told you, I was in LOVE with Olivia Newton John. She went from cutsie-wootsie schoolgirl to Greek muse on roller skates! It doesn’t get much better than that. With E.L.O. backing her, she was unstoppable. Actually…uhm…I bought this one on CD not long ago. BEST TRACK: “Magic”.
- CULTURE CLUB, “KISSING TO BE CLEVER”. Who wasn’t swept away by the magic of Boy George in the Eighties? Even now I am tempted by the “Best of…” collection. BEST TRACK: “Do you Really Want to Hurt Me?”
- MARTHA & THE MUFFINS, “DANSEPARC”. Man, I remember when it was ultra-cool to find a “weird” band that no one else had ever heard of, but who churned out lots of records. I remember they seemed so “new wave” and “artsy”. Whatever that meant. They briefly changed their name to just “M+M” for the “Mystery Walk” lp. I guess to seem “cooler”, then changed it back again cuz people just called them Martha & The Muffins anyway. Martha now does children’s music on “Songs from the Tree House”. If you visit their website, I would highly encourage you to avoid the “photos” section. These are some fugly bastards. BEST TRACK: “Danseparc”.
- THAT STUPID STAR WARS BAR SONG SINGLE. If you KNOW the proper title of this song, then you’re lamer than I am for having once owned the 7” as a child. This song was on the Billboard Charts for chrissakes! I mean, really? It’s STUPID, but I had been dumped by a certain person (whose last name rhymes with “Tewton Wohn”) and was seeking comfort in the arms of a young Princess, who shall remain nameless.
