The Sixth (and Seventh) Beatle.

By Amanda Hallay

George Martin, E.M.I's innovative producer, has often been called 'The Fifth Beatle.' However, it might come as a surprise to learn that there were also a sixth and seventh Beatle. That's right. Lancelot and Serge reckon that The Beatles were 'all their idea,' the infamous moggies claiming that they were the inspiration for the better-known Beatle hits. Nay, Lancelot even says that he's responsible for Ringo's name. Legend has it that Richard Starkey was nicknamed 'Ringo' because of his rings. True. The rings on Lancey's tail.

Evidently, the mid-Sixties saw Lancelot and Serge employed at Abbey Road Studio (mousers), where their influence was both felt and appreciated at Beatle recording sessions. Serge's intense, mystical calm was very good for George's karma, whilst Lancey's hilarious hijinks helped alleviate the growing tensions between Paul and John. Furthermore, the deceitful twins reckon they directly influenced Beatle titles. Begging for food as usual, the perpetually greedy Lancelot was told that his dinner was on its way. 'It won't be long,' said John. 'Ey!' said Paul. 'I think there's a song in it!," and duly set to work on It Won't Be Long, a popular track from With The Beatles. On one occasion, Serge did his usual trick of getting himself stuck on a high shelf, unable to get down without human aid. 'I think he needs some help,' said George. 'Ey!' said John. 'I think there's a song in it!' Help was the Beatles eighth Number One. One of their famous spats proved the inspiration to a '66 hit. Having had a falling out over a dropped fish cake, the fur started flying, and Serge - always the victor - was described by Ringo as a 'little black fighter.' Unfortunately, he had his mouth full at the time (bacon sandwich) and was misheard. 'Did you say he's a paperback writer?' asked George. Yup. There was 'a song in it'.

Lancelot and Serge kindly offer this industry insight into more or less every Beatles song. In fact, if it hadn't been for The Boys, the 'Fab Four' would have been short on inspiration. Sadly (for The Beatles) Serge defected to The Rolling Stones mid-decade (Paint it Black being an ode to his fur colour). In lamentation, The Beatles penned an entire concept L.P to honour his chest and nose-triangle; The White Album is as multi-faceted and baffling as the feline himself.

Lancelot joined Serge in Mick Jagger's flat, the two immediately sucked into the 'sex, drugs and rock n' roll' lifestyle, their addiction to worming tablets just one of the factors which made them 'faces' on the Swinging London scene. As Lancelot likes nothing more than to slob about in bed all day, he was more than happy to be living with Mick Jagger. Yet although The Stones adored Serge (Keith Richards called him his 'petit bonhomme'), the ungrateful feline felt the guys were kissing Marianne Faithful far more than they were kissing him, and - his brother in tow - they returned to Abbey Road.

But it was too late. Unable to 'create' without their moggie muses, The Beatles had broken up. It was not Yoko Ono who 'split up the Beatles' - but Lancelot and Serge, the greatest pop band of all time forced to 'go their separate ways' in their search for other music. And other cats.

(Listen, I'm just telling you what they told me, okay?!)