The KIU Guide to...

The Greatest Boy Bands Ever!

By Caitlyn Hallman

The Beatles

While not strictly speaking a boy band, they inspired the creation of the world’s first genuine boy band. Thus the Fabs are the template. They were the first band to be marketed on such a mass scale, and more importantly, sold on their individual characters (Paul: the cute one, John: the smart one, George: the quiet one, Ringo: the Ringo one). This is a tactic used by ALL boy bands now.

Essential songs: their entire oeuvre

The Monkees

BOY BANDS START HERE!!!!

They were created by studio execs who wanted a television show about a Beatles-esque group. Their songs are perfect pop gems (written by the prestigious likes of Neil Diamond and Carol King), the show was both avant-garde and genuinely funny (one of my all-time favorites), and Davy Jones was and is a respected stage thespian (appearing not only in the West End and on Broadway, but he also won a Tony Award).

Essential songs: ‘Daydream Believer,’ ‘Hey, Hey, We’re The Monkees,’ ‘I’m a Believer’

The Jackson Five

The band which brought the world one of its most talented and demented artists, but enough about Michael; Jerome was always my favorite.

Essential songs: ‘ABC,’ ‘Want You Back’ 

Menudo

Child slavery, anyone?  Okay, Menudo wasn’t exactly child slavery, but didn’t the band just smack of it. I mean, they were from Puerto Rico and you were kicked out of the band when you hit puberty. It did, however, introduce the world to Ricky Martin. Awh, bless!

Essential songs: you know that one with a Spanish title

New Kids on the Block (or NKOTB as they later liked to be called)

When I was growing up it was mandatory for all girls to love the New Kids. All free time had to be spent either: listening to their records, reading about them in Teen Beat, writing fan letters to them, or planning our wedding to our favorite member. I still have the Reading Country Club reserved for a May 2004 wedding to Joey McIntyre. Joey if you’re interested, email me!!!!!

Essential songs: ‘Hangin Tough,’ ‘Step by Step,’ ‘The Right Stuff’

Take That

I believe that the world is a better place because of Take That. Not only did Robbie Williams come out of this group, they  had some great pop hits (including the genuinely excellent ‘Back for Good,’ the genuinely horrible but I like it anyhow ‘Babe,’ and the only pop song in history to use the word ‘breeding’ in place of ‘having sex,’ ‘Sure’), and they pranced under in their underwear a lot.

Essential songs: ‘Back for Good,’ ‘Babe,’ ‘Sure,’ ‘Pray’

Boyzone

The Irish answer to Take That and notable, really, only for Ronan Keating. I would really like to give him a massive smudge kiss.

Essential songs: ‘Words,’ ‘Father and Son,’ ‘Picture of You’

Hanson

What?  Okay, okay, this band has received much slack over the years, but in my opinion ‘Mmm-Bop’ is a pretty gosh-darn catchy tune!

Essential song: ‘Mmm-Bop’

Backstreet Boys

I love Backstreet. They were the creation of the fevered brain of businessman Lou Pearlman who decided after the immense success of NKOTB, he needed to expand his portfolio with a boy band of his own. As everyone knows, ‘Backstreet’s Back’ is my one my top party tunes of all-time, and I think they have some pretty nice love ballads as well (a bit sappy but still nice).

Essential songs: ‘Backstreet’s Back,’ ‘I Want it That Way,’ ‘Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely’

N’SYNC

Another Lou Pearlman creation, and not my personal favorite. Their songs are good, but the members are a tad…well…weird. Justin seems to be trying to channel the energy of Michael Jackson, and Lance keeps on trying to send himself into space (quite literally). All very, very odd.

Essential songs: ‘Bye, Bye, Bye,’ ‘It’s Gonna Be Me’

Westlife

Brought about by the joint effort of Louis Walsh (the man who created Boyzone) and his biggest star Ronan Keating. I don’t know much about Westlife except they are Irish, have loads of number one hits, and one of their lads knocked up one of the girls from Atomic Kitten (I think she had to leave the band then). Anyhow, I don’t think I approve of boy band members getting girl band members pregnant. It’s a messy sort of business.

Essential songs: ‘Uptown Girl,’ ‘Evergreen’

BBMak

This three piece band has yet to make their mark in the U.K. but they are massive in the States. BBMak has a special place in my heart as they are all from the North as I am (one from Liverpool, one from Manchester, and one from Wigan). They actually play their own instruments and write their own songs and sweet, little songs they are.

Essential songs: ‘Back Here,’ ‘Out of my Heart,’ ‘The Ghost of You and Me’

I know this does not cover all the boy bands there ever was, but it is a list for the ‘greatest’ boy bands. If you do not happen to see your favorite boy band here, it means they are crap and you should switch your allegiance to one of these much better groups.