Regulars to Kittens in Underpants may have noticed that something has been ‘missing’ from the Net’s Hippest Online Magazine and Culture Junction over the past week. Amanda and Caitlyn (KIU’s founders and celebrity sex kittens) have been unavailable for the past week. (And so has Pierre, KIU’s very own with-it webmaster).
Did we drop off the planet?
Were we abducted by aliens and/or sex-crazed kidnappers who look like Antonio Banderas (or – in Pierre’s case – Sophie Marceau?)
Have we ‘gone spiritual’ and joined a group of Cistercian monks? (NO CHANCE! Amanda's a CATHAR! And not only that, what self-respecting monastery would take the Pant People?)
The reason for our recent absence is far more thrilling than any of the above. ‘Operation U.K’ has seen both Caitlyn and Amanda relocating to Great Britain (from Pennsylvania and Paris respectively), and the past week has been a period planes, trains, automobiles (and a rented Nissan Micra).
Liverpool, England
Caitlyn’s move from Pottstown, Pennsylvania to Liverpool has been seamless. She is currently installed in the halls of residence of the University of Liverpool, and the ‘hot news’ is that she went out to buy a radio from Dixons (£39), but came back with a radio-casette-C.D combo for only ten pounds more! (“It was such a bargain,” Caitlyn has stated. “I’d have been foolish to just go with the radio for £39 when I could get so much extra for just an extra tenner!”)
She describes her room as; ‘Small, but cosy’, and has spent the three days since her arrival on Terra Anglerra covering her walls with pictures and postcards. I think Caitlyn spoke for all of us when she said; “I hate bare walls, especially in small rooms.”
Kenneth Halliwell
Amanda certainly hates bare walls, especially in large rooms. Having moved into ‘22’, a large, shared house in the centre of Bath, she immediately set about transforming her stark, massive room into a ‘Medieval-Meets-Rococo-Meets-Sad Student’ masterpiece of interior decorating. The only person ever to be influenced by the art of Kenneth Halliwell, Amanda has been working on her famous (and arguably spectacular) wall collages. She describes her working process thus: “I buy second hand art books, cut them up, and stick everything up on the wall. It looks better than it sounds. I promise.”
The Riverwalk, Bath, England
Amanda shares ‘22’ with ‘Geoff’ (a 47 year old Lancastrian), ‘Les’ (48, a bus driver from Bath) and ‘Howard’ (ageless, former rock n’ roller. Howard is the landlord and lives in the basement, a bit like the Phantom of the Opera but with more guitars). She describes her roomies as “brilliant! Really nice and kind.” There is also a French girl called ‘Celine’ who lives upstairs in the attic (a la Jane Eyre), but nobody ever sees her (a la Jane Eyre).
Although the house is shared, everyone ‘more or less keeps to themselves’. Our rooms are pretty ‘self-contained’. “I’ve got a kettle, a telly and my computer in mine,” says Amanda. “So there’s no need for me to use the kitchen, as I never eat. I’ve gone off food a bit.” The bathroom, however, is quite ‘spectacular. It has an electric shower and a sauna! How wrong can you go?
The Roman Baths (in Bath!)
The house also has a garden, a washing machine, a microwave and a piano. And Amanda’s room has a roaring British Gas fire, which will come in useful during the snowy, Somerset winters she is so looking forward to.
Although both Caitlyn and Amanda had their feet firmly on Terra Anglerra at the same time, it took three long days for them to make contact. “We didn’t know how to contact the other”, Amanda explains, with Caitlyn adding; “I had no idea where she was, other than Bath”.
To add to the confusion, Amanda and Pierre disappeared for a weekend in Devon and Cornwall, their bizarre odyssey appearing on site next month in ‘KIU Go West!’. Don’t forget to check back to see photographic evidence of Amanda and Pierre in the country! (“We saw wild ponies”, Pierre has said. “Yes,” confirmed Amanda. “And inbred people.”)
Whilst the Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin of the new millennium were driving around Dartmoor in their rented Nissan Micra, Caitlyn was arriving at Manchester airport with no idea as to where her co-Kittens might be (other than somewhere in the West Country).
A stroke of genius on the part of Pierre reunited the two, close friends and KIU founders. Upon his return to Paris, he telephoned Caitlyn’s mother to see if she had a number for her daughter. Indeed, she had. Amanda asked how Caitlyn’s mum was ‘holding up’ after the departure of her beloved daughter. “She sounded really chipper and ‘up’”, Pierre explained. “Wasn’t she really distraught over Caitlyn being all the way in Liverpool?” Amanda persisted.
“No,” said Pierre. “Not really.”
In fairness, Pierre sounded somewhat ‘chipper’ when Amanda spoke to him on the phone yesterday. Although he said he missed his wife, he was drinking a Carlsberg, and had plans to drink more. Far from ‘drowning his sorrows’, he sounded as if he was about to embark on a private party, incorporating ‘loud music’ and ‘chilling with the cats’.
Although Caitlyn and Amanda are now firmly installed in the United Kingdom, Kittens in Underpants will continue to flourish. “It’s business as usual,” promises Amanda, with Caitlyn adding; “Yes.”
Sunny Day (KIU’s agony aunt and cyber love connector) is awaiting your letters, as is Dr Bob, who will happily answer all your questions involving cat care and/or feline psychology and/or ganja.
M.S. Holland will give you his own, satirical view of the weekly news, and come back soon to read Amanda’s review of Signs (“It was shit”) and Caitlyn’s in-depth discussion of the Aisha Tandori restaurant on Bold Street, Liverpool.
To all of our friends who make up the Kittens in Underpants international community, we would like to send you greetings from Swinging England, and don’t forget….We love you all, so stop back soon for another dose of hip, pop culture from the People who put Underpants on Kittens!
