The Asteroid is coming!  As we have all heard, the world as we know it is, basically, doomed. We’ve got seventeen years left before a massive asteroid collides into Swansea (good choice) and already, the Christian Fundamentalists are blaming it on ‘the homosexuals’. True, its trajectory across the solar system is a bit nellie, and we at KIU therefore think this mass of fatal granite should be named after one of Hollywood’s most famous gay icons (‘Rock’.)  The good news is that the chances of it hitting earth are between 200,000 – 1,000,000 to one. With this in mind, we at KIU are not overly concerned (although we have started hoarding tinned goods), and have adopted a ‘business as usual’ approach to the impending apocalypse.

Contrary to the wishful thinking of the various staff members of KIU, Sixty’s luminaries Peter and Gordon will not be reforming at any point in the near future.  Or ever, probably. (Neither will The Zombies, by the looks of it.)

Dr Rowan Williams (52) is to become the new Archbishop of Canterbury, spiritual head of the Church of England and seventy million Anglicans world-wide.  A controversial figure, Williams intends to give the go-ahead to gay priests and lady ministers. He has stated his intention to bring the Church of England into the 21^st century with what might prove to be controversial reforms.  Although he has won the support of Catholic, Moslem and Judaic leaders in the U.K (who are probably laughing their heads off), slightly more traditional Church of England clergy are concerned; ‘Some of his ideas,’ stated one, ‘seem a bit ‘far-out’.  We at Kittens in Underpants give ‘Rowan’ (as he likes to be called) our full support, and would like him to know that we are on hand and available 24/7 if he thinks we can help.

In a shock statement, Caitlyn Hallman has revealed the appalling working conditions of some mid-western home-craft concerns. Employed in a temporary capacity by ‘I Make Boxes’, a Pottstown ‘cottage industry’ owned and operated by KIU’s very own ‘Mrs C’ (Caitlyn’s mum), Miss Hallman has been disappointed by what she thought might prove to be a productive summer money-earner.  ‘She keeps forgetting to tell me what to do,’ moaned Caitlyn, when questioned about her working conditions. ‘She gets so involved with her bit that she keeps forgetting to tell me what my bit is.  I end up just watching a lot of T.V’  Caitlyn was hired by Mrs C to paint the undercoats on the beautifully designed, hand painted boxes for which the company is famous. However, Miss Hallman has been put on a ‘go-slow’ by her employer, and whilst she is still entitled to her 10% commission, she confesses to ‘wishing she had more to do’.  Clearly, the harsh working conditions behind this sort of ‘cottage industry’ belie the ‘cosy’, ‘homey’ image for which home-craft is known.

The search for Pierce Brosnan’s eventual replacement as super-spy James Bond is now underway. Industry rumours abound as to who will step into OO7’s shoes, but feline bon-vivant SERGE HALÉ is tipped as a strong competitor.  Although the coveted role has traditionally gone to human actors (that’s if we count Roger Moore), the producers of the legendary action series feel that casting a cat might prove a welcome change, and Hale would seem an obvious choice.  With his ‘tuxedo’ markings, natural suavity and penchant for the ladies, Serge feels he would make an ideal Bond.  Obviously, the production would encounter problems with dialogue (Serge can’t speak), but his agents (Kittens in Underpants) believe that advances in film technology would soon get around this obvious hitch. “They’ll dub him.”