The Ultimate JOHN SHUTTLEWORTH Tribute

Ouff!

By Amanda Hallay

At least four of the Kittens in Underpants staff are fans and admirers of BBC radio personality, John Shuttleworth.  Amanda got Sunny and Pierre into the wonderful world of The Shuttleworths, whilst Caitlyn discovered it all by herself.  (Ouff!)

Who is he?

 John Shuttleworth is a character created by musician Graham Fellows.  John Shuttleworth is a fifty-something unemployed D.I.Y fan living in Sheffield with his wife, Mary (Graham Fellows), his two teenage children, Karen and Darren (Graham Fellows) and (best of all), his next-door neighbour and sole agent, Ken Worthington (Graham Fellows.)

What Does He Do?

With the help of his Yamaha portable synthesiser, John Shuttleworth writes fabulous pop songs inspired by his daily life.  He belongs to Ken Worthington’s ‘stable of stars’, some of whom occasionally do panto. When not writing songs and playing his synth, John likes nothing more than to go to the Garden Centre for his tea.  Wife Mary has a bit more ‘get up and go’ than her husband; she’s a dinner lady at the local primary school, and often goes out (to Step Aerobics) with her best friend Joan Chitty (who’s training to be a physio.)

John spends a lot of time at B&Q

Is he famous?

Fortunately, BBC Radio 4 has given John and his friends and family their own series (The Shuttleworths and Radio Shuttleworth), and with the help of a camcorder (held by Ken), John’s legendary concert tour of Boy Scout huts and youth hostels in the Derbyshire district was aired on television (500 Bus Stops.)

A typical 'Carvery', John's favourite type of restaurant. (I believe, however, that this one is in Portsmouth, and not - ladies and gentlemen - in Sheffield, South Yorkshire.)

Does he ever appear live?

  Yes!  Not only does John Shuttleworth often appear live, but Amanda and Pierre had the great privilege of seeing this songwriting master at the Hotel du Nord in Paris.  To a crowd of under forty people, John not only performed his greatest hits (From a Father to a Son, Save the Whales, You’re Like Manchester), but paid special attention to Pierre. Whilst telling a story about his niece Kylie’s teacher, he informed us that this gentleman had a ‘big bushy beard’, and not (whilst pointing to Pierre) ‘a fashionable goatee like that lad there.’  The evening finished with a breathtaking encore of what is arguably his finest work; Pigeons in Flight had the crowd on its knees.

Why We Dig Him

Through his beautiful music, John Shuttleworth bares his sole, revealing the more poignant moments of his personal life.  Vacuum Cleaner tells the upsetting story of the occasion  when Mary left him.  It was during the Seventies, when (‘because of financial restraints’), they could not afford a Hoover.  He asked ‘what’s wrong with a broom’, and she said something obscene (and then disappeared to her sister’s in Ashton-Under-Lyme).   From a Father to a Son (which John feels would make a very good number for Michael Crawford and/or a ‘Forces Review’) is a moving ballad to his song Darren (if Darren were dying, which – thank God – he is not. He’s working at Victoria Wines and seems in perfect health.)

Not all of John’s œuvre is ‘down beat’. How To Be Happy in a Sad, Sad World acts as a ‘self-help’ song to achieve a suitable state of zen.

The bridge is particularly lovely.

His finest work (in at least Amanda’s opinion) is his now legendary duet with ‘70s superstar Leo Sayer.  Dandelion and Burdock recalls those halcyon, bygone days when Black Jacks were two a penny (‘remember Leo’s talking old money’) and D&B was readily available.

(Ouff! I’ve just realised, ladies and gentlemen, there might be some American readers out there who don’t know what Dandelion and Burdock is.  It’s a fizzy drink, ladies and gentlemen, popular in England until the mid seventies, when things like Fanta took its place.)

Other Reasons Why We Dig Him

John not only gives us beautiful music, but peppers his programs with useful hints and tips. The correct way to wash-up is invaluable, and we don’t know where we’d be without his advice on how to Hoover a bit of soil on the carpet which has spilled from a plant pot. (‘No need to unwind the whole flex, ladies and gentleman, because it’s an isolated part of the room.’)

The cafe at The Garden Centre, where John often enjoys a 'campuccino' after a morning of browsing patio furniture and various garden accessories.

Why We Dig KEN!

John would be nothing without his sole agent and impresario, Ken Worthington.  Ken wears cuban-heeled Chelsea boots and appeared on New Faces in 1974 as ‘T.V’s Mr Clarinet Man’. He got a ‘right dressing down from Tony Hatch’, and the experience gave him a psychological ‘block’ towards his clarinet. Unable to play (although he sometimes tries), he ‘went management’, and is convinced that John will eventually be ‘chart bound’.  Ken is divorced from his wife, Leanna (she ran off with a builder called Martin) and although John adores Mary, he sometimes envies Ken his bachelor lifestyle (he has ‘executive style breakfasts’ which include orange juice with pulp. Ouff! Mary would never go for that!) Ken is incredibly inflexible and somewhat ‘uptight’; he often turns down a trip to the Garden Centre because he’s already ordered a curry to be delivered, and refuses to cancel it because he ‘doesn’t want to upset his good relations with the tandori’. Ouff!

Why We Dig MARY

Mary has a lot to put up with; not only does John insist on placing his organ on the top of her deep freeze (he likes the acoustics in the garage), but his rehearsals often interfere with The Holiday Program.   Mary is John’s second wife. His first died in 1970. Mary doesn’t like it when he talks about her, so the beautiful ballad he wrote in her memory (My Wife Died in 1970) can only be performed when Mary’s at her Step Aerobics and/or out with Joan Chitty.

A facsimile of the discarded cabinet John once found near the church and restored. It is currently kept in the cupboard beneath the stairs, where it makes the perfect storage unit for 'cleaning agents' and 'big-box powders'. Mary is delighted.

What John DOESN’T Dig

John doesn’t like the young people who live across the street.  They don’t have net curtains, and so he can see them having their tea – as late as nine p.m!  (‘And they don’t get down after their tea, ladies and gentleman. Ouff!  No, they sit there playing with bits of paper and chatting’.)  The final straw came when John’s brother-in-law, Carl, came over with his young family to show off his new car (an R-reg Pronto).  John was taking some lovely photos of Carl in his new car when he noticed that the young people across the street were all standing in their bay window killing themselves laughing!  John didn’t know why, as ‘they don’t have a vehicle between them!’

John also doesn’t dig the new packaging for Bounty Bars, and laments the days when the chocolate covered coconut came with a protective cardboard tray. Ouff! It’s just wrapped in waterproof plastic now!

Although John only has a mild dislike for people who ‘approach a ping-pong table with a lighted cigarette’, his most deadly venom is reserved for shopkeepers in the South (who are not like shopkeepers in the North, who are ‘friendly’.)

Is John a ‘Modern Man’?

Yes!

How To Be Happy in a Sad, Sad World

If you’re ever feeling ‘up and down like a bride’s nighty’ and a ‘caMppuccino’ at the Garden Centre just won’t do it, then spend an hour in the company of John, Ken and Mary.  It’ll soon put a smile on your face (and that’s what it’s all about, int’it, ladies and gentlemen.)

The Suttleworth’s I, The Shuttleworth’s 2 and Radio Shuttleworth are available on C.D and cassette from Amazon.co.uk.  And please check-out Ken’s wonderful Shuttlworth site (in our links section) for all the latest news.

Graham Fellows, the man behind John Shuttlworth. (He's not a bad looking lad, is he, ladies and gentlemen, with his fashionable George Cloony hair cut and C.K tee-shirt. Ouff!)