DR BOB'S CAT CARE

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I live in America, where declawing is legal. I have just bought new furniture and don't want my cat to scratch it up. Should I get my cat declawed?
NOO, mon!!! Da declawin' is CRUEL and most definitely NOT uptoon top-rankin'!
It is da same as us human's gettin' our fingers cut off - and how could we roll our ganja and do odda tings wid our fingers if dey wasn't there?
It also be a moost painful operation, and it effect da cat in a bad way psychological.
To stop da cat scratchin', buy a water sprayer (wot you use on your hoom-groon) and give it a spray when it starts da scratchin'. If it ain't stupid, it will soon stop. If it IS stupid, den you can go to da Vet Mon and get plastic tings wot go over da claws. Dey be called 'Soft Paws' and is uptoon top-rankin'. Respect! (Jah.)
Me Poison Floowah used ta scratch me sofa when she be a kitton, but soon explained to her (wid da water squirter) dat dis was not uptoon top-rankin', and she stopped.