DR BOB'S CAT CARE
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My family lives down in Jamaica. I was wondering did you ever see them. Any ways, there are some questions that I would like to ask you like ok I have 7 cats all of me cats like to piss everywhere so how can I stop them from pissing and shiting all over me house. Write me back!!!
Whitney
Respect to da Whit!
Me read your letter and me tinks you got a whole heap of furry trouble goo-ing on down dere. Me needs to ask you some questions, mon. Is all your cats NEUTERED and SPAYED (dat means, duz dey have dere sex bits removed?). Dis be ESSENTIAL, mon. Cats wot ain't fixed dis way be slags (and I be sayin' dat wid respect to da Cat, mon - and to me Oncle Michael in Montego Bay.) Being left in its natural, slag state, da Cat be VERY TERRITORIAL, mon, and they mark their territory wid PISS and SHIT (and some odda stuff wot comes oot of da male cats manhood, mon.)
Back to your problem. Dis be my advise. Follow me five step program, mon, and dis problem soon be a ting of the past.
1) Make sure your cats be SPAYED and NEUTRED. Call da Humane Society and dey'll tell you where to get it done for free or almost free.
2) For seven cats, me recommend you put FOUR litter trays doown in different parts of da hoose. Completely change and clean the litter tray every two days, mon, and in the meantime, keep toppin' it up wid litter.
3) If you see one of da bastards aboot to piss/shit - PICK HIM UP and carry him to day litter tray and put him in it and tell him he be UPTOON, TOP RANKIN' for doin' his business in dere and not on your bean bags.
4) Have a spliff. After all dis, mon, you'll be needin' some ganga, mon.
5) Fill a plant-sprayer wid water, and each time you see one of dem bastards about to piss/shit, SPRAY it and say in a firm, strong voice; 'Dat not be top rankin', mon. Dat not be fly.'
6) Buy Dr Alimantado's Greatest Hits (dis ain't got notting to do wid your problem, mon, but me tinks it be a rankin' album.)
If da problem persists, me tinks you should fink aboot finding a new hoome for three of your cats. I know dis be hard for you to tink of, BUT, seven cats in one hoose is a lot, and me tinks dat perhaps dey need a bit more 'space', mon. But hoopfully, me Six Step program will sort out all yer problems. Respect. And good luck, mon. PS: Me tinks I know your family down here in Jamaica, Whitney. Dey be top rankin'.
