Amanda's
Fantasy Gallery

Now that I am forever free of the torturous shackles of Art History - I'm really into Art. The other night as I lay in bed, I set myself a task; I imagined that I was given my own gallery and allowed to have twenty paintings - any paintings I wanted - and they would be mine forever and ever. The difficult part was choosing the twenty. After much tossing (not that sort!) and turning, I finally arrived at my Top Twenty Paintings of All Time - the twenty paintings I would possess if I had a 'Fantasy Gallery'.

As the chances of me actually owning an art gallery with my favourite twenty paintings of all time are rather slim, I thought I'd at least turn this fantasy into a CYBER reality.

So, welcome to Amanda's Fantasy Gallery - all in chronological order (which means you'll have to scroll down for Peter Blake) - and admission is absolutely free (although donations will help.)

'Hope you enjoy it (and don't forget to visit the cafe and gift shop on your way out.)

In chronological order:

"The Battle of San Romano"
Paulo Uccello
mid-1300s

First on my list and no question about it. One of three wall panels painted for the Medici, this one has always been my very favourite painting of all time. I have a massive poster of it in my pad in Paris (gosh, that sounded 'swish', didn't it!) and I could never get tired of looking at it. The orignal's in The Louvre, and I have been known to sit on the floor in front of this painting and feel a bit orgasmic. (Uccello's 'sister piece' in The National Gallery is really fab, too.)

"The Wilton Diptych"
(Artist Unknown)
Late 1300s

The best little altarpiece in town, The Wilton Diptych was made for Edward II, and finds him depicted in the left-hand panel with his patron saints of John the Baptist, Saint Edward and Saint Edmund. He kneels before Christ and the Virgin who are surrounded by very patriotic angels; they carry the English flag. Although very sumptuous, The Wilton Diptych is actually very small and 'object-y' - and I like 'object-y' art a lot. I also like Medieval art a lot, and as both are combined in this beautiful piece, I think I'd be a fool not to have it in my gallery. Don't you?

'THE ARNOLFINI WEDDING PORTRAIT'
Jan van Eyck
1432

I've always loved this painting; it's a perfect, little jewel of Northern Renaissance Art (and I don't like Southern Ren' at all.) Although famous, there is always something new to find in van Eyck's betrothal portrait of Giovanni Arnolfini and his not-so-pretty bride. The painting runs rampant with subtle, hidden symbolism, and van Eyck's famous attention to detail even finds the painter reflected in the mirror behind the couple. (No, she isn't pregnant, by the way; she's holding up her dress to indicate that she wants to be - that she is ready to do her wifely duty and give her husband lots of lusty sons. Ironically, this most famous of 'wannabe' mums never conceived, and the Arnolfinis died childless.)

"Still Life with Musical Instruments"
Pieter Claesz
1623

I just chose this one at random, 'cause I would happily have any 17th century Dutch still-life in my gallery. Bizarrely, I really love this genre of painting; there's something so 'Christmassy' and warming about these paintings, with their tables heavy with food and booze (and - in this case) turtles. Furthermore, 17th Century Dutch still-life was full of symbolic meaning (everything we see has a double-meaning), so I'd enjoy the 'intellectual puzzle' of figuring everything out. But more than anything, 17th Century still-life always makes me feel glad to be indoors; indoors is a good place to be. Know what I mean?

"Portrait of the Sculptor Duquesnoy"
Sir Anthony Van Dyck
1629

Okay, this isn't actually the Van Dyck I want in my Fantasty Gallery. That one's called 'Portrait of Sir Walter Pye', but I can't find it on the Net (although I do have a very nice black and white photo of it that the Courthauld sent me and which I never paid for.) In saying all that, if 'Portrait of Sir Walter Pye' (who was HOT) was not available, I'd truly take any of Van Dyck's portraits of young men. With their air of dignified melancholy, there is almost something ethereal about Van Dyck's male portraits; he makes men look gorgeous - and who wouldn't want a gorgeous looking man hanging around their house?

"MAGDALENE by a SMOKING FLAME"
Georges de la Tour
1640

If there was one guy who understood light (and how to 'work it') it was Georges de la Tour. Here we find Mary Magdalene gazing into a naked flame, her body languid and sinuous as she wonders what's to become of her. We've all had moments like this, haven't we - sitting there with a metaphorical skull in our laps wondering where it all went wrong. I also like La Tour because he works with red and black, my favourite colour combo.

"THE SWING"
Fragonard
1765

You must think I'm nuts! 'The Swing'? By Fragonard? Well, regardless of the chocolate box quality of this oft-seen painting, I'm standing by my choice and would proudly hang it in my gallery. Pretty, pretty, pretty! I love the silly frivolity of the Rococo with it's underlying message that all that really matters is flirtation, fun and sex. Even by Rococo standards, this painting was considered 'shocking'. Why? Because 18th century ladies didn't wear knickers, and look where that cheeky little guy in powdered wig is looking! (Which, of course, is precisely why this chick is on a swing; she wants him to get an eye-full - but she's too high up for him to catch. This is a 'date rape' just waiting to happen.)

"DYNAMIC HIEROGLYPH OF THE BAL TABARIN"
Gino Severini
1912

FUTURISMO! FUTURISMO! FUTURISMO! If there's one thing I love, it's Italian Futurism - and this wonderful example by Gino Severini is too good to miss. By use of multiple vantage point and fractured picture plane, Severini places us right in the middle of all the fun. In case you haven't worked it out, the Bal Tabarin is a nighclub - and a decadent one at that (note the naked lady riding the scissors.) There's also a very Serge-like cat to be found somewhere in the upper right-hand corner. By far the most playful of the first-wave Futurists, no Fantasy Gallery would be complete without one of his fabulous paintings. Bravissima, Gino!

"DYNAMISM of DOG on LEASH"
Giacomo BALLA
1912

I LOVE ITALIAN FUTURISM! This painting is so unbelievably cute that I can hardly contain myself when I look at it. Movement and Dynamism were key to Futurist intent, and Balla is trying (and failing) to show us how it 'really' looks when we see a dog on a lead. Look at his baby legs wheeling around - look at the lady's feet. Balla almost makes it 'work' - but not quite, and it's the ultimate failure of Futurism to achieve its aims which makes it so endearing (especially if we remember what fascist show-offs they were.) I also like this painting because everyone who knows both it and me says that it reminds them of my winter coat. (This is hard to explain, but I know why they say it.)

"BERLIN"
Ernst Ludvic Kirchner
1913

Let's leave Italy for a sec' and have a quick screw against a wall in turn-of-the-century Berlin. German Expressionism is a big favourite of mine, and Kirchner's arbitrary colours and expressive handling tell us all we need to know about modern, urban life. These two slappers are on the game, surrounded (and followed) by dozens of identical looking men. GREAT stuff!

"THE LOVESICK MAN"
George Grosz
1916

If you thought I was obsessed with Futurism, lemme tell you about WEIMAR! Without meaning to show-off (pffffft), my 'specialty subject' is Art and Film of the Weimar Republic (Germany between the Wars.) I did my dissertation on it, and had it coming out of my ears in the final year of my B.A. In saying that, I was GLAD that it was coming out of my ears. I LOVE THIS STUFF! And if any painting can sum up the Weimar vibe, it's 'The Lovesick Man' by (my boy) George Grosz. This piece just says it all. How seedy can life get? Would YOU go out with this lovesick man? No, you would not - because we do not go out with guys who have ANCHORS tatooed on their HEADS. (Oh, it's all so very 'Cabaret', isn't it - talk about 'divine decadence'.)

" TU M' "
Marcel Duchamp
1918

Because I'm restricting myself to stuff-you-can-hang-on-walls, I'm not allowed to have my very favourite piece of art of all time (Duchamp's "Bride Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors, Even" - 'The Big Glass'.) With that in mind, I'm treating myself to Marcel's " Tu M' ". What a great looking piece it is - and as always, cheeky Marcel is mucking about as only a true genius can (he was a chess champion, you know - the guy had an I.Q of about six million!) Marcel has a special place in my heart; his "Bride Stripped Bare" was my 'specialty subject' for my undergrad Seminar class, and as a consequence, he always reminds me of Professor Burhan, who then became my brilliant friend 'Filiz' - and she's a genius, too, and I just love her loads, basically.

"THE DADA MANIFESTO"
Max Ernst
1918

This was the cover of the Dada Manifesto, and I just love the way it LOOKS. Max Ernst was a genius (no question), and I dig more or less everything he did. This work is less well-known than most of his stuff, and it just appeals to my aesthetic sensibilities. It's hard not to like Dadaism, especially when we remember that the 'absurdity' of it was a reaction to the 'absurdity' of men going into trenches and killing each other (World War I had a bigger impact on Art than many realise.) In saying that, the Dadaists WERE a lot of fun - and this piece illustrates perfectly the 'happenstance' game of chance these nutty blokes were playing.

"THE SKAT PLAYERS"
Otto Dix
1920

Life in the Weimar Republic wasn't easy - and sometimes it was very, very disturbing. These card players are the horribly disfigured war wounded, returning from the trenches to Berlin, Hamburg, Dresden. Too deformed to find work (not that there was any), they'd band together and kill time by playing cards in some seedy dive. Dix is not exaggerating their injuries; in my research for my dissertation of Weimar culture, I saw plenty of photographs of men as disfigured as the three in this painting. What I find particularly touching about it is their attempt at dignity with their starched collars and war medals. I remember a particularly long and fretful night when I was finishing my dissertation against a deadline. It was four in the morning, I was deadly tired, and was writing a detailed description of this painting. I was listening to Berthold Brecht - strange, old songs in a language I couldn't understand - and I suddenly started crying. These three, poor men had come to life - and I felt so, so sad for them. Such is the power of Art. Which is why this painting's in my gallery.

"RADIO FIRE UP"
Fortunato Depero
1926

(Have you guessed how much I like Futurism, yet?) Fortunato Depero is one of 'my guys' - one of 'my troupe' - one of 'my possy', and I cannot find adequate adjectives to describe my mindless adoration of this crazy Italian's work. 'Radio Fire Up' is meant to show us that exact moment when a radio cracks into action (electricity was beloved of the Futurists), but what can that little bull be doing? I reckon the song on the radio is Spanish - maybe about a toreador or something. Dunno. The point is...I love Fortunato Depero (and Herschel B. Chipp - who said that Depero was just a 'second wave Futurist' - can shove it up his ass and fuck off whilst he's doing it.) Oh! I'm also TOP MATES (kinda) with Depero's grandson, who (although he didn't speak a word of English) helped me tremendously with my FAB ESSAY on DEPERO which you can find in the OOOooo Grown-up! Section of KIU: "Shouting in Italian". (I am SUCH a show-off.)

"REBUS"
Robert Rauschenburg
1955

I love Rauschy! After all the bullshit of Abstract Expressionism (never mind the Pollocks; too 'heavy', daddy-o), Rauschenberg burst onto the New York art scene with an exuberence and playfulness which is endlessly appealing, endlessly good-natured. 'Rebus' is one of my faves; it's just so good looking and brilliant and clever and fun. In saying that, I'd probably take any Rauschenberg for my Fantasy Gallery; he is unable to produce anything short of genius.

"ON THE BALCONY"
Sir Peter Blake
1955-1957

NOW we're talking! My all-time favourite artist. My head honcho. My Total Hero. If I could be a painter, I'd be Peter Blake. No question about it. Why do I love him so? Well, I suppose its his wonderfully melancholy mix of High Art and Low Culture; there's something a little bit 'isolated' a little bit 'off' about Blakey's view of the world. 'On The Balcony' is so sweet and so sad. As in all his work, we find Pop with a dash of Heartbreak. Awwwwwww. BLESS HIM! (And have you figured out why it's called 'On The Balcony?' DURR! Everyone's holding a picture of people standing on balconies.)

"THE FINE ART BRIT"
Sir Peter Blake
1959

I love Blakey! And I love 'The Fine Art Brit', as the ironic title so perfectly sums up Peter's unique approach to art. He did 'pop' topics with a traditional, 'painterly' technique. I just can't say enough about him! I WORSHIP THE GROUND HE WALKS ON (and was most put-out when I heard that the National Gallery had complained about the show he curated last year. I could DECK 'em! NOBODY touches Blakey. NOBODY.) When I heard he had been knighted, I went all teary-eyed and felt very proud. All my Art History friends made fun of me for loving Blake. They're wrong. I'm right. 'Nuff said.

"MAP OF WHAT IS EFFORTLESS"
Francesco Clemente
1978

What's all this about? Who knows! It's post-modern, innit, and therefore intentionally senseless. Clemente is probably my favourite of all the post-modernist (forgive me, fans of Schnabel; I like him too - I just like Clemente more.) What I particularly like in 'Map of What is Effortless' are the animals balancing on the finger-tips; wouldn't it be great if lions and giraffes could be shrunk to tiny sizes for us to play with? What am I TALKING about?! I have fallen into the trap of trying to extrapolate some SENSE out of post-modern art. 'Better to just take it for what it's worth; a really great painting by a mental Italian.

"PEPSI"
Mimo Rotella
1979

Pop goes Italia with the wonderful Mimo Rotella and his 'ripped poster' art. Although this work is relatively late, Mimo started ripping posters in the late '40s, pre-dating the Pop Art movement by a good twenty years and showing that - although daft - Italians are also very cool. I like 'Pepsi' because it's a lot less busy than a lot of his work, and all the more powerful as a result. Mimo was inspired by the walls of his native Rome. I discovered Rotella before I visited Rome, and one of the things I loved about my first trip there was the sensation that I was walking through a giant Rotella painting. Rock on. (Molta bella.)

BONUS TRACK!



"THE MASKED ZEBRA KID"
Peter Blake
1965

Okay, I know I've had my twenty - but it's my Fantasy Gallery, and so I get an extra painting.

Did you enjoy that? I did! And if any KIU-ers out there have different ideas for a 'Fantasy Gallery', send 'em along. If we get enough of them, we might start a 'Visitors Fantasy Gallery' (a bit like the one at the end of 'Vision On').